Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
