happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
