ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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