Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
