My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Floor bacon is actually really good
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
