I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
