So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there's paper in my vomit.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
