I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
