I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
