Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
