My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I did not marry a roomba.
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