I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Houston, we have a squirter
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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