And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
