Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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