Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
