I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
