I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
