eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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