I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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