I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
