The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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