well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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