roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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