Pappa wants mamma naked
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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