I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
