Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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