I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
