That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
