Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
