i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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