He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
