my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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