That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
