ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
