The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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