I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
