woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sobbing to NWA
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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