..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
