"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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