What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
