no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
