You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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