It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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