Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
