dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
