I feel great
I just peed on a car
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize