I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
