): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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