I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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