i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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