You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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