Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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