I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize