TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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