I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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