Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize