So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
