Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
