Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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