Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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