God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize