he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
