Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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