Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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