Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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