butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
