How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize