Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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