The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
