Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
