I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize