a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
