I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
