You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
