Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
