You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize